Surf Line 84

Really, folks: is it any wonder people laugh at professional surfing? Jordy Smith is supposed to be our Lebron James. The savoir of the league. And he’s out there giving interviews about fucking cougars up the ass. And then following that up with interviews about taking it up the ass. “I don’t want to go to prison that’s for sure… if that’s what it feels like, I don’t want to go,” Smith told GT. Oh, how the tables have turned, Jordy. (And for the record, I’m not sure exactly what kind of rectal trauma Smith suffered, and, unlike GT, I don’t really want to know.) The fact that the unspecified injury was one of the biggest stories of the event tells you a lot about professional surfing. The other big story? Josh Kerr getting stung by a wasp on the tip of his penis. For god’s sake, let’s focus on actual surfing for a moment. Smith looked much improved in his first heat, but against Adriano, he went into desperation mode after getting clipped on his opener. There were like 20 minutes left, and Jordy only needed a 4. He didn’t need to start launching rodeos.