surf school 26

Surf School (Unrated) DVD Review
This Mahi-mahi stinks to high heaven.
by Hock Teh

August 13, 2007 - It never ceases to amaze how ridiculously bad scripts get the green light from movie studios, let alone are distributed and released to theaters even after realizing how bad the final product turned out to be. Like most consumer products, shouldn't there be some kind of rigid quality control when it comes to movies too? You know, appoint a powerful gatekeeper who is able to say, "This movie stinks! Can it right away and let's move on." From a business standpoint, that might not be as feasible or as easy as you might think because by the time the movie gets into post-production, the studio has already invested a pretty penny in the project and recouping some of that money--however little--becomes a priority. And studios know that there is serious money to be made in the home video market. Sometimes, a movie can make as much or even more in DVD sales when compared to its often-lackluster box office take.

This is the reason why Lions Gate Entertainment has chosen to unleash the turd that is Surf School onto the shelves of your local Blockbuster. After a very limited and very brief theatrical run last year, the plug was mercifully pulled on Surf School, effectively saving the human race from further indignity and disgrace. Now that it is back in circulation for rental and purchase, well, all bets are off! Typical of almost every teen-oriented comedy, Surf School is constructed from all possible known clichés from that well-trodden genre. From a classic like Animal House to American Pie to the fifty recent iterations of National Lampoon, one would think that there are more than enough material to either steal or stay away from. It's just too bad that writer and director, Joel Silverman chose to pilfer the least desirable story elements and the least funny gags for his movie. Even the movie's tagline, "This summer get wet!" has absolutely no intelligible reference to the plot whatsoever.


Jordan (Corey Sevier) has just arrived at Laguna Beach High School to complete his senior year. Hailing from the East Coast, Jordan knows as much about surfing--the manly sport of choice at Laguna High--as he does brain food. As the new kid on the block, Jordan gets ragged on by the school's resident bully and all round jerk, Tyler (Ryan Carnes). Taking the mantra, "safety in numbers" to heart, Jordan begins to hang out with the school's other rejects. Here's where the high school character clichés step in. You have Doris (Laura Bell Bundy), the resident Goth girl, Mo (Sisq¿), the token black guy, Larry (Lee Norris) the nerdy virgin, Taz (Miko Hughes), the punk who is all talk and no substance and Chika (Eriko Tamura), a Japanese exchange student with surprises under her kimono.

Well, senior year also means it is time for the senior trip. This year, it is to Costa Rica for the, get this, International High School Surfing Championship. Well, our rejects are not invited but they decide to go anyway, arriving one week early to attend surf school and take part in the competition. There, they hook up with surf school owner Rip (Harland Williams), a washed-out ex-surfer who spends more time chugging down alcoholic beverages and passed out under the coconut tree than in the water surfing. Rip sobers up long enough to first espouse his philosophy about the Mahi-mahi and then to give our misfits a few pointers that seem to be enough for them to compete against their archrival, Tyler. I guess these guys are born surfers. Hang ten, dude!

Everyone and their mother knows that sex sells and Surf School serves up plenty of that but not always in a manner that we would like to see. Apart from the usual gaggle of bikini-clad babes, you have your parade of overweight women and also hints of bestiality that involves a cross-dressing chimpanzee. Yuck! About the only redeeming feature in this movie is the presence of the three gorgeous and uninhibited Swedish girls, Helga (Annika Svedman), Belga (Aubrie Lemon) and Selga (Rikke Juhll Moegelhoej).

It's bad enough that the story is unbelievably shallow and wholly predictable, the extremely bad acting knocks this movie down a few extras notches. The biggest culprit is Harland Williams, whose annoying over-the-top rendition of Rip simply proves that less is sometimes better. That same point, coincidentally, could also be used to describe the movie itself. Just substitute less with none.